Tree Stakes

Several years ago, my daughter was exercising her right to make decisions and was beginning to make some wrong ones.

So I took her for a drive.

We drove through our neighborhood and we stopped at a local park. We got out of the truck and walked over to a small tree that had two large stakes next to it. The tree was tied to the stakes.

I told her “Kai, you are like that tree. You are young and you have roots that aren’t strong enough to keep you in the ground when the hard wind blows.”

I then said “Your mother and I are the stakes. We are here to make sure that you don’t fall over during the hard wind. We will hold on to you and keep you growing straight. We don’t want you to grow crooked. We are only here for a while and then you won’t need us to hold on. Until then, we are here for you.”

I then took her to a young tree without stakes. It had already started bend and show signs from the wind blowing hard against its branches. I said “Kai, this tree has not had any stakes. It has nothing holding it when the hard wind blows. Its already starting to lean. If the tree isn’t straightened soon, it will grow crooked and it will take a large force to get it straight again.”

I then took her to an older tree that had no stakes and had grown crooked. I told her “This tree had no stakes, the wind blew, it grew crooked and will never get back straight. Eventually the tree will fall. It will fall because of its own weight and its own crooked growth. While the other trees are still growing, this tree will be cut up and burnt in a trash pile.”

I finally said “Kai, I want you to grow straight. Your mom and I want to be your stakes. We don’t want you to grow crooked. We don’t want the world and the world’s problems to blow you over. We want to stand straight with you. We don’t want you to grow up crooked and eventually fall from your own “crookedness”. We want you to keep growing and we want the stakes to be removed when you have strong enough roots to withstand the wind.”

She got it.

If you didn’t have parents that did that for you, its not too late to find “surrogates”. Find someone who will willing play that role for you. Play that role for someone else.

We all need strong stakes to keep us straight.